hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
