I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
