I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
