the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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