And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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