i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
