I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
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He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
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If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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