i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I have demons in me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
