I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's shark week go big or go home
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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