You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize