Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
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Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
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Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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