I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
