FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
as a side note pls kill me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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