Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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