There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
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Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize