Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My balls are so social today.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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