hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
