i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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