I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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