but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
