Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
