Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
