Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
