My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
