Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Randomize
