her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
