So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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