i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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