i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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