your room smells of hookers.
And success
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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