i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
