turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh god it's open bar.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
