Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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