The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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