It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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