weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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