I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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