Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I lost the right to judge tonight
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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