the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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