I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
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I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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