So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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