In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
