It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
so much tequila, so little girl.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
