That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
