You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
