I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
