I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
