I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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