I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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