just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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