if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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