my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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