The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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