By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
