you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
