saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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